Friday, October 12, 2012

Mass Effect Journal 16: Journey to the Edge of the Universe

I have completed the game in under 30 hours.

This is going to be a long post, because a lot of stuff happened since the last update.

So after the nuke went off, I was forced back to the Citadel against my will. Booerns. I really do hate that place. But here I am. Again.

I didn’t care too much for this “sequence,” if that’s what you wish to call it. In the previous scene on the ship, the Council gave me the ok to do what I want, but they can’t provide backup. Now they’re saying no, don’t do that. You’ll piss people off. Well…I kind of pissed off a lot of people already to do the right thing. Why stop now? Let me go to Ilos and do what I need to do.

But nooooooo. The Ambassador of the Alliance and all humans is telling me to sit down and do nothing. Locks up my ship and keeps me grounded. PSH! Thanks for continuing the notion that humans are wusses. I’ll show you!

Mindless sequence was mindless. The only thing I really accomplished while on the Citadel was the “fan boy” quest. It was pretty obvious that I was going to get off the station. Thanks Captain of the Navy voice over. Oh Keith David. Your voice is silky smooth. We can’t help but love it.

That was the highlight. Listening to Keith David.

Not a bad trade off.

So I knew I’d be heading off to Ilos, with or without an army to back me up. Probably without. Pansies.

Ok so here’s my first issue, and I swear this happens all the damn time. Why is it that women feel the need to throw themselves at men when they think the world/universe is coming to an end? Is that the guarantee that they’ll all survive, because it’s stupid. It reminds me of Valentine’s Day. Not everything has a happy ending. What happens after everyone is safe? You’ll look at each other and go “what was I thinking?” And then that’s the end of that! Heat of the moment. Gone!

I’m a woman and I hate Valentine’s Day. It is a stupid day. It’s not even worthy of being labeled as a “holiday”. I know so many people that will feel like that’s the day to show you love to a person. The rest of the year? Screw that. We have Valentine’s Day. To me, that’s kind of a cop-out. You can’t tell someone that you love them at any other time during the year? You have to pick the obligatory day that everyone else does? Because if you really love someone, you don’t need 1 day a year to show them.

So very, very lame.

Well anyway, apparently Liara loves the Shep. And whatever that spiritual, existential, joining of the minds concept, it was anything but that. It was a hook-up. Just calling it what it is. My only recollection of this moment was sighing and checking my Facebook. I was hoping for something…actually I don’t know what I was hoping for. The way Liara described it sounded completely different then what actually happened. But whatever! Shep got some lovin’ and I got an achievement that had no relation to sexing up a teammate. I had a delay on using “Overload” 75 times. I laughed a little too loud and freaked out the dogs.

The next sequence I kind of enjoyed; slamming the dune buggy onto the ground within feet of Saren. Not making it behind the door before it closes, of course, but that was a flashy cut scene! And I like the layout of Ilos. I finally felt like I was more involved in the combative aspects of the game and didn’t get so bogged down by the RPG elements. There was just something about the layout, the staggering of enemies, and décor, it’s difficult to pin-point. I really enjoyed rummaging through Ilos. Even the silly one-way-only dune buggy track behind the wall was entertaining.

The music, well that whole fade-in and fade-out was annoying. I’d much rather it had stayed consistent because that was a pretty cool song. I even turned off my iTunes and VRock to listen in.

And then speaking with the ancient Protheaon database really helped clear up a lot of question, while drumming up more.

First off, who the hell didn’t realize that the Citadel, henceforth officially now the Shitadel, was a giant relay? It looks like one. It moves like one. I mean…captain obvious much?

Second, why the crap are we going to stick our greatest minds on the universe on a giant relay that no one knows squat about? “The Keepers take care of everything.” Great. Why? Aren’t you just a tiny bit interested in wondering what the Keepers are? Why they do what they do? Or hey, what’s in the maintenance tunnels? I mean…shit! I wouldn’t claim a giant space relay in the name of Earth without knowing what’s up with it, how it works, and how to keep it turned off. 2001 A Space Odyssey people. Go watch it. Would have saved ourselves millions of years of headaches!

Maybe Mass Effect 2 and 3 clear up these inconstancies, but f. For some smart ass aliens, they really are stupid. “We’ll just take over this place that’s in the center of the universe and make this our social hub, but won’t take half a second to figure out how it works, why it’s here, and why these creepy bugs walk around and maintain it.” So. Ridiculous.


Stupidity aside and barreling down the one-way road to the spire, in general with Ilos and the destroyed Shitadel *happy dance*, the intensity of action was very much welcomed. I could finally put all my shiny abilities to the test. Shooting things in the head in one hit gets old fast. I found a weapon upgrade that gave me an AOE-type of fireball. :D

Oh, I had Garrus and Tali with me throughout this. I’ve beefed them up so much, there was no way I would let them sit out. Liara…you’re still not good for combat, but I appreciate the comradery. Bow-chika.

And finally! I could see the other side of the Shitadel and walk through the maintenance shafts. This was pretty cool. And I can shoot down a ship? Awesome. *blitz combat mode*

When it came down to Saren and the find battle, I opted to stick to full Paragon mode and talked him out of fighting me. Well, sort-of. After reading a walkthrough (finishing the game first of course) the final form fight is one that you can’t avoid, regardless of your choices. But I skipped on the first section by talking Saren out of it. Spoiler alert, talking him out of going through with the Reaper’s plans means he commits suicide. I don’t know if that’s any better but, um, ok. I was thinking we could sit you in jail somewhere.

And then it was time for more decisions. Again didn’t consult a guide until after I completed the game, but I made an educated guess that saving the Council’s ship would give me Paragon points. It’d risk more lives, but with them being the figureheads of the universe, their death would deter the willingness of others to join the cause and fight the Reapers. I chose well. More Paragon points to an already maxed out bar. Yea.

“Go check that he’s dead.” *pokes Tali and Garrus*

Oh right. Saren. Yeah he might probably be a jackass and jump back up from the…dead…Sovereign took care of that. Thanks.

I was disappointed by this fight. For a final battle it was dull. It was long simply because of the cut scene in the middle of the ships coming together to take out Sovereign, and Saren was jumping all over the walls. Other than that, another lame aspect tacked on to the board. It also netted me 2 more achievements: finishing the game once, and having more damage done to my shields then to my actual health bar throughout the course of the game. That means I’m awesome at shooting behind cover.

Let’s get ready for the awesome final cut scene I’ve been waiting for!!!

*Shep stands in the galaxy sunset.*

What? The Council talks, I opt to make the Captain a member of the Council, and that’s it?

/double sigh

F this. I’m doing another play through and going completely Renegade. There has to be way more amusing options, dialogue, and story-lines if I do that. And Tali. I will hit that. >.>

What a letdown for an ending. Yeah, yeah. I can hear the naysayers going on that it opens up the story for ME2. Who cares? They didn’t know there would BE an ME2 if this first one tanked. I want an ending. Walking/standing/flying off into the sunset is not an ending. It’s cliché.

But should I expect anything less from BioWare? This was about as meh as the Bounty Hunter storyline ending in TOR.

There you go. There’s my play though of Mass Effect. I feel bad that I couldn’t record any of this. It would have been amusing, but I think my wonderful blogging commentary was equally entertaining.

I don’t know if it’s enough to convince me to play ME2. We’ll just have to see how Renegade mode goes. Saren, we’re going to have a proper fight and you’re going to be a worthy final boss. Ashley…nuke it up.

Unless the eye thing persists in ME2. Then we have to get it for hours and derpy antics.


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