Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The Sad But Truthful History Of Video Game Movies

If you have seen the Super Mario Bros. movie...oh who am I kidding. You wouldn't be reading this blog if you weren't a gamer AND haven't already seen the first, and notoriously worse, gaming movie. Even non-gamers know this film, and we all equally agree it is terribly bad, leaving us with many unanswered questions:

  • Why, for the majority of the film, does Luigi wear red, and Mario wear green?
  • Why is Luigi, the scaredy cat of the games, here presented as the brave one?
  • Where is Luigi's mustache?
Most of these are Luigi related, but all very good questions that Gizmodo attempted to tackle as it took a "behind the scenes" look at the movie's production, and subsequent failure. Video game movies had potential, and they still do. But since SMB and the follow-up creations such as Prince of Persia and Hitman, the genre isn't following through with the promises they keep building up. "This is it! This will be the one movie that breaks away from the pack!" And then it tumbles down after. Though Need For Speed is getting good buzz, our only standout for gaming movies right now is the Resident Evil series (which is so loosely based on the gaming franchise that the movies and games are completely separate entities).

If you read the article, be prepared to be depressed. For a number of gaming movies like SMB, the developers had no involvement. The rights to the SMB franchise were purchased and a movie was made. It wasn't until well into the production of the film that Nintendo stepped in and demanded changes. By then, it was too late. A lot of things had the stick.

I like Luigi, I really do. But I never understood how he became the hero of the story, and got the Princess. Thankfully not Peach. Yet in the games, it was always Mario that saved the day, saved the Princess, and stopped Koopa. So, what the hell happened? From a film-makers perspective, I can see how the younger sibling growing up into his own, a hero's journey story from boy to man, it's all well and good. But when your source material clearly states that Mario wears red and gets the girl, Luigi wears green and he's the sidekick, you don't screw that up without dire consequences.

The article also looks at other gaming movies, and the man that has destroyed everything for us: Uwe Boll. His highest rated gaming movie, Postal, only has a 7/100 rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah. His movies are just that bad, and he's done no favors for gamers.

Pull out the tissues and start up that Cure album. Gaming movies have been pretty crappy. Hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe.


Probably not.

And in case you don't remember, Luigi never grows a mustache in the movie. Sad and tragic, I know.


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