Monday, December 27, 2010

10 Things I Have Learned From Video Games

To make up for the absence in posting due to the holidays, I have made another list! I realize that this has been done before, but this is my personal list. There is no order to this. Just 10 things that I have learned in my life thanks to video games. From the simple to the insane.

(Katamari Damacy) If I were given a giant ball and asked to roll up the world, Europe and Africa would be good places to start because they have a lot of small countries. And if you are going to ask “Why not the U.S.?” then shame on you for not playing Katamari and not knowing basic geography. The U.S. is a country. The 50 states don’t make up countries, and Katamari understand that, so it’s a giant hunk of land as one piece that can’t be picked up until you can get Brazil and Canada. Starting with the smaller countries makes it easier to pick up the bigger ones. And of course, once you get Russia, you can go into outer space. So I guess that’s really 11 things I have learned from video games.

(Any space-themed game) Sometime in Earth’s future one of the following will happen: Earth will be taken over by aliens and colonize the planet with their race, Earth will be blasted back to the medieval era by aliens, or Earth will be on the verge of destruction by aliens.

(Any game featuring a woman who isn’t a mom) Less clothes = more armor. The strongest female character will be the one wearing the tightest and/or skimpiest outfit.

(Any MMORPG) If you look to an area that has a lot of people or shiny objects, you may find that time will slow down and your vision blurs. (Lag ftl)

(Final Fantasy) Sleep is essential to living. That’s why you can sleep at any time of day regardless of where you are in life or how critical the situation is. Like, about to go stab the most evil creature in the world. You can always take a moment to have a nap…at pre-designated towns of course.

(Metal Gear Solid) If you crouch behind a tiny box or stand in a semi-shaded corner, people walking by will never see you.

(Resident Evil) While we all may worry about the zombie apocalypse, the reality is if a virus-induced zombie bites you, you’re not going to turn into one. However, that doesn’t make them any less annoying. Don’t forget to double tap!

(Grand Theft Auto) Cars don’t require gas. “The man” just likes to keep us down and make us believe that we need gas to run our cars. Greedy bastards.

(Dragon Quest) Smashing pots is not only good fun, but you can pick up gold, herbs, and other random goodies. Sometimes horse manure and cow patties. I wish I were kidding about that one.

(Frogger and almost every Nintendo game) Water will always kill you. Avoid water at all costs.

Hope you have enjoyed and a happy holidays to all!

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