Sunday, August 21, 2011

Top 5 Controller Destroying Moments In Gaming

Gaming news has been pretty lackluster this past week. Even with Gamescon in session. So it's time for another one of my wonderful lists! I present to you...

The Top 5 Gaming Moments That Made You Want To Throw/Destroy/Chainsaw Your Controller

I love my titles sometimes.

5. MGS4. Snake vs. Laughing Octopus.

I so despised this fight. Octopus has camo that allows her to blend in with anything and become anyone. If you play in hard mode, it is a giant pain in the ass. Especially since the area where the fight takes places is bloomed out the butt (aka, very brown, grey, and lots of sunlight). It's not that she is difficult to beat. Rather, it is incredibly time consuming and irritating. You have to swap weapons constantly, flip in and out of super goggle mode just to see her when she's using camo, oh and if you want the bonus goodies after the fight you can't kill either her Beast of Beauty form with lethal weapons. Meaning it takes twice the ammo for more shots just to knock her down. Not difficult, but highly aggravating.

4. God of War - Final Battle.
This is very much true to old school platforming, and no joke even at Normal difficulty. It's more then button mashing. You really have to hone in all of those skills, and work with that silly camera, to go through a series of fights, while keeping your manifested family alive, and just when you think it's all done, you have another fight to go. No stops. No healing. You have to keep on going. Death at this point is a huge slap in the face. You want to try again, but you've just spent 20 minutes of your life already on this task and you failed. Annoying as hell, no pun intended.

3. Super Metroid - Jumping.

This isn't a particular boss, or level, or moment in the game. Rather, it's an annoying aspect overall. Jumping in this game sucks. The worse part is when you have to jump up walls to reach the top, otherwise you're stuck in pits of monsters that refresh every time you leave the screen and you can't move forward in the story. All of the enemies will taunt you as they climb with ease up the wall. And there you are, spamming the jump button with all your might in hopes that you'll make it to the top, only to slide all the way back down. Such a nightmare.

 2. Goldeneye 007 N64 - Escorting Natalya.

I'm fairly convinced that she is the stupidest A.I. ever created. Typically I'd give earlier systems a pass as the technology was not as great, but by the time the N64 was released, PC and console games had figured out what worked best for escort missions. So really, there's no excuse for this one.

The basic scenario is you, James Bond, have to get Natalya out from the lab. Simple enough. But it really no longer becomes a question of skill, but rather luck. Natalya doesn't necessarily "follow" Bond. She runs in front of him. She runs to the side. She runs in circles. She runs into walls. She runs over railings. She runs with scissors in her hands. Ok the last one I made up but it sure feels like it. She also LOVES to run in front of Bond when he's trying to kill a bad guy. I can not count the number of times she has been killed and I have had to restart this mission over, and over, and over again. The only plus? When you get to the point of wanting to destroy your controller, you can always shoot Natalya to make yourself feel better. The paintball stain is always fun.

1. Ghosts n' Goblins - The Entire Game.

This is the most difficult game ever created. You all can go on about Ninja Gaiden, but that is nothing in comparison to the pure evil that is Ghosts n' Goblins. The concept is you are a knight trying to save a princess and have to reach her after defeating a hoarde of goblins, ghosts, zombies, and the like. It takes 2 hits to lose a life (the first hit will strip you of your armor). If you die, you get sent back to the beginning of the level (or the mid-way point if you are so fortunate). Even better, you only live for a brief period of time, roughly 3 minutes. So you'll die if you don't finish the level fast enough and get sent back to the beginning.

What makes this such a cruel game beyond all words is the "ending". Just when you think you have won and saved the girl and have gone through all of those levels of horror, guess what? It was all a trick devised by satan. He warps your ass back to the beginning of the game for the true, and more incredibly difficult, version that you were really meant to run through the all along. This, in all obviousness, wins the top moment of wanting to destroy your controller.


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